SuperNothing

2011-05-15T10:13:00.001-07:00

...and so you've reached the fork in the road.
there's the bridge to society, the tried and true path to the comfort of a big house and fat wallet. the bridge to your perfect future.
or you can take the leap, step off into the oblivion that has swallowed countless lives, the imperfect path that threatens the balance between pride and motivation. to see just how far the rabbit hole goes.
you prepare yourself for the big moment. you shrug off the shadow of a doubt, because it will decide if you're falling to your doom or flying above the rest. you close your eyes, and the last words that run through your head are not words of panic, they are words that define your very being.
"i'd rather be forgotten than remembered for giving in."

2011-04-19T11:53:00.001-07:00

on a cruise, at port in key west. leaving my room:

do i have my key? yes.
walk.
pass quarreling puerto-rican family, the littlest kid is crying.
walk.
pass cute girl in hallway, smile.
walk.
arrive at elevators, look at map.
where's the cabana club?
floor five.
where am i?
floor seven.
fuck the stairs.
press down button.
spot cruise staff member. nametag states that he is, coincedentaly, puerto-rican. he is pushing a luggage rack full of little fake stone walls.
wait forever.
elevator arrives.
i point it out to him and he nods greatfully.
we board the elevator. i ask him what floor he wants. he holds up three fingers. maybe he doesn't speak english.
press three.
we descend.
on floor four we stop. a little fat kid boards the elevator. he presses eleven.
you asshole.
we go up seven floors.
fat kid disembarks.
down eight floors.
i'm polite and let the puerto rican man off first. i step out and realize i'm on floor three, not five.
fuck i'm high.

2010-11-11T18:34:00.001-08:00

Titan A.E.

2010-11-08T22:11:00.001-08:00

I need purpose

2010-08-05T12:27:00.000-07:00

today i will have a mental breakdown.

2010-04-27T10:28:00.000-07:00

i made you a playlist but it's not like that
i made you one because i make everyone playlists
you should listen to it

friends dare me to rap, i dare them to listen

2010-04-08T08:18:00.000-07:00

Listen.. The world could explode For all that I care
Cause I'm alone with you
Think they could clone you too?
It may be too much but I'm willing to put my money on it.
You think I'm crazy, right?
You make me lady like.
Like, wanting to wear lace
Wanting to say yes to giving into you intimacy is painless
it's easier to keep runnin than switchin faces up
ok, i'm stuck.. do you hate me or what?
i wanna date you,
go steady and wear your letter pin
or your letterman sweater like Ola Ray but I'm hesitant
Not you, it's me now i'm a cliche wanna bend plie for you flip positions as i do
just gotta relay truth
i love to be together,
breathe together
Jean say soon we could be forever,
see whatever we make bloom just afraid I could be playin out a replayed tune
look at you
Attention span was A.D.D.S. Before we met,
on occassion was frequent
I know how deep I get in emotional reconnect
I'm bringing baggage like conveyor belts and leer jets or bellboys at the telly,
we chillin in till noon revealing the city below us,
incredible views we're feeling the feeling below us
i'm intending to i've never felt this safe i gotta hand it to ya as i'm escaping
i'm breakin hand quiver must be candid lust there's no damaging,
plus be no as love be lust..
yes what's best for me never seems to ever be what's next to me exception
you so excuse me if i question too thorough or keep you waiting i might break down,
shake defense off change mind, change clothes and take the weekend off

2010-04-04T07:57:00.001-07:00

EZRA used MARIJUANA! it was SUPER-EFFECTIVE! EZRA learned MOVE ON!

do they speak english in what?

2010-03-30T07:04:00.000-07:00

here it comes
the whole truth
the whole fucking thing
all of it
right now
here

so i'm totally in love with her
i think
or i'm in love with the idea of her
it's like that thing people say
"there is someone out there for everyone"
i think she is my someone
maybe
i'm only 17
i still have plenty of time
maybe
it was just so miraculous
you know
"holy shit this girl is just like me!"
"holy shit this girl likes me!"
"she thinks."
it did kill, when she said she liked me but really didn't
but i forgive her
i've done it too
told someone i didn't like
that i liked them
but whatever
water under the bridge
it just seems like if i pass her up
forget her
if i don't pursue her
i'll be missing out on the biggest part of my life
but then i think
"why would she want to be with me?"
"i'm probably dropping out of school"
"i'm probably not going to be a musician"
"i'm probably not going to be anything"
she's going to college
something i will never do
it's pretty important to her
she's going to purchase i believe
my sister went there
she said it sucked
but my sister also went there for drama/dance
not creative writing
so who knows, it might be better for her
why do i keep calling her "her?"
her name is julia
there we go
none of this stupid
"i hope she never finds this"
bullshit
i don't really care if she does
she's very internet savvy
much more than i am, that's for sure
so if she does find it
so if you do find it
tell me please
okay
that part is over
i think
maybe i'll see julia over the summer
maybe she won't want to
maybe i won't want to
haha what a lie
of course i want to
but maybe i shouldn't
it would probably be better
i think
she's perfect in my eye, you see
and i think i'm in love with her
i think
or maybe the idea of her
which i stated earlier
maybe she is the worst person in the world
or maybe she is who i hope she is
for real
i hope
shit
i keep saying she
julia
julia
julia
it's a pretty name
we're also getting married you see
in a
"wouldn't it be cool if..."
way
we aren't actually getting married
because she doesn't actually love me
because she doesn't actually know me
because she lives in fucking new york
and is going to school in fucking new york
but who am i to complain
it's her life
i'm not about to tell her to not go to school there
and come to vermont instead
i'm not ruining someone's life like that
already ruined mine
haha
let's feel bad for ezra time!
i would probably hate myself if i met myself
or something
i can't really say
the only person i know who is like me is the girl who i may or may not be in love with
how can i be in love with someone if i have never met them you ask?
well
i don't know
i've never been in love
which i know for a fact
there has not been a day since august 20th that i have not thought about her
which i know for a fact

so where do i go from here?
i don't know
i'm terrible at conclusions
maybe i should go see her
steal a car and drive to syracuse
maybe i should just forget about her
never text or call or contact again
maybe i'll just act like i'm not totally infatuated with her
you know
"just friends"
maybe i'll tell her everything
call her and tell her
ev
er
y
th
in
g

i just think that my feelings for her are too big
and that eventually i'll get hurt

but if i don't actually get the girl in the end
oh well
at least i tried
"hey grampa, tell us again about your (maybe) true love?"
"well children, it was the summer of '09. your gramps was surfing the ooooooooooold internet, when he came across this website where you talk to strangers.
you see, your gramps was in a bad mood, what with all that shit music that was going around. so he told the stranger "nickleback sucks."
the stranger then replied:
"amen."
well, your gramps was pretty excited to find a stranger with the same anti-taste in music, and he took to talking to this stranger. we talked for a while about bands and music, sharing interest in bands that not a lot of people knew about. after a bit, the stranger had to go, so your gramps asked for her information, so that they could talk again in the future. she obliged, and your gramps took to talking to this girl almost every day since.
we exchanged feelings for each other two months later, although the girl claimed them to be false, as she was under the influence of cannabinoids and alchohol. but your gramps was surely serious, but he forgave her. as he did with the next time she claimed to have feelings for him.
your grampa fucked up a couple of times too, like that one night where he straight up flipped shit and ranted about how fucking sad and fucked up he was. but i think she forgave me.
i think."

i have no idea what to write here
because i have no idea what happens
maybe the children meet their grandma
and she is someone else
i don't know
i'll have to ask myself in the future
if i remember to haha

FUCK.
YOU.
SUPERNOTHING.

empire! empire!

2010-03-28T14:59:00.000-07:00

part 1. you are what i am not

will the same mistakes haunt you like they used to do?
or are you afraid that your body won't let you choose?
you are your father's son, the same disease that holds you held him once!
and i know that if you push this hard it will still take hold.
you cannot accept the things you can't control.
and i know your mind is young but your body's old.
and you can't forgive yourself (though no one else could blame you for this).
but hold on! hold on! hold on!

and already i can't remember the heart was ever aware
that the body it kept alive was wearing out, was shutting down.
and tonight, when it realized you gave up, it cried out,
"only now, i realize i always knew."

then, every breath made you confess you did not know what to do with your hands, this is a new side of you- so full of fear.

part 2. to esmé with love

you wore the hand-me down dress that never fit quite right.
your mother's frame did not favor you.
the summer she passed you were born, and your father lost his job.
he could not handle it (or you).
you wore the saddest smile that never fit quite right.
yours mother's smile felt that way too.
the summer she gave her life for you, and your father blamed you,
was the summer you began to blame yourself too.

the long days piled into weeks before you'd speak, as the stone crawled to meet the shoreline.
and it began to rain at once!
i tried (i tried, i tried, i tried) to keep the awful things at bay from you.
but it was on the air and useless,
i might as well have tried to prove the words i fought to purchase would comfort you.
like, "there was nothing more that we could do."
or that i still loved you (when nothing could be further from the truth).
will your hand fall out of mine?
your shame lives on its own, trying to reach the depths down where it belongs.
will it find rest in your bones?
aching and pulling muscles to act out against you!
so stay your pity now.
if it reaches the heart, we all pull out.
and let the beat slow down.
(there's nothing that we can do for you now)
are you sorry or are you just scared?
there will be no false comfort here.
oh, i ought to tell you the truth! i did not to come to plea for you.
where was your heart when your words led the truth anywhere else from you?
you're not sorry, you are just scared,
i have not come to calm your fears
i am sorry i hid what you are.
but everyone else but me already knew! already knew!
and would not come to plea for you.
where was your heart when they never appeared?
anyone else would care.
but you would not shouldered the weight you should bear.
i will not shed a single tear.

part 3. and squalor (midnight conversation where the rain meets the hood.)

it flew out of your mouth, "you can drive me anywhere- just drive me anywhere but here."
tonight, the length of your neck is a lonely parapet; you are armed to the teeth and looking for a fight.
it was in your mother's dress that the temper finally showed signs of slowing down. your fingers traced the route of the seam (like a map of your body that landed just shy of your knees).
it fell the same way on your mother- as she was, at that age, the same height as you.
she never faced a fear quite as sharp, but her sister did and it broke her heart
what came out your mouth next was a series of mistakes- you had taken all you could take,
and here tonight, the weight of their stares, they could bury you alive. you were worn to the bone and looking to disappear. and who could blame you?

it was in your mothers dress that the temper finally died out, and gave way to the fear that keeps its company with such a loud mouth! (like the sound of an earthquake tearing out terra firma's mouth).

you must not let it in, and keep your head up on top of your body. there are far, far worse things than this, so we must move with purpose and do what has to be done.

part 4. realize my real eyes are real lies

oh no! i thought you'd changed; take back all the things you said.
i remember thinking this evidence you left was damning enough
but you took all the words from my mouth and pulled them out.
how could i not see you for what you are?
but you turned all the words from my mouth into doubt.

and i wish i could tear your heart out!
break meter and release, and still the voice it keeps
and i wish that your lungs would give out,
and finally give air to breathe
but i know better now. no words could weed you out
when your back's against the wall, you'll be crying out
"i'll take all the words from your mouth and leave them out."
your hands are shaking.
finally, call out!
and the silence breaks your heart, finally.
oh, i almost pity you now (i almost pity you now).
finally, call out!
oh, i almost pity you now.
and i wish i could tear your heart out!
break meter and release, and still the voice it keeps
and i wish for your lungs to give out, finally.

city lights grace the interstates, the way you moved your hands through your hair when you feel alone.
remember the flowers you picked when we crossed over madison?
you were so sure you found yourself that you branded it into an oak - the one you swore reached through the sky and swallowed the city line,
you had yet to hit eighteen (an age that would swallow you.)

will i ever understand how anything gets done?
i tied a knot in my heart for you, thinking that's what you wanted.
i tried to make my voice sincere
(tell everyone how hard it was)
and anyway, i could never reach your ears,
like the weight of its wings were clipped when they hovered near you.

should i tie your arms afloat to its melody, and anchor my heart to you in hopes
i'll climb out your mouth?
i was so sure you wanted love,
how could anyone find doubt?
i tied a knot in my heart for you,
though it's not what you wanted.

wear your heart out

wear your heart out

wear your heart out

i tried to make my voice sincere
(tell everyone how hard it was)
and anyway, i could never reach your ears,
like the weight of its wings were clipped when they hovered near you

2010-03-22T10:11:00.001-07:00

I am so fucking pissed right now. I want to yell and break shit. But i'm not going to, because i'm such a goddamn nice guy

2010-02-24T17:54:00.001-08:00

If home is where the heart is then why is my blood still flowing? I live for irregular fribulation so send shocks through my spine and bring me back to life

2010-02-21T14:57:00.001-08:00

I can see that you're standing right in front of me. Hands open, begging for answers. And i conceide, i'm looking for the same things too. I'm talking about me and you in my head. In my head, where happiness is a victory. In my head, where you can walk for miles in a matter of minutes while looking for a map to find your way. You have such a pretty face, but it's nothing compared to your way of justifying your guilded eyes. And your smile keeps me awake better than drugs. And your way with words is lightyears beyond your age. I'm handing out answers but they don't add up. I'm asking questions i've never thought of before. You are a winter wind running through my body, chilling my spine, stopping my heart but you kept me alive so i can pump my face full of blood when you walk by. You are the cat that caught my toungue and i hope you never let go

2010-02-15T07:03:00.000-08:00

is there anyone fucking out there?

2010-02-08T21:09:00.001-08:00

Get out of my head and out of my heart. You took over my body so easily. It hurts that you aren't here. It's unimaginable misery. I can't stand those memories we were going to make. I can't help but fantasize our potential perfection. I have the strongest desire to swear off love forever.

2010-01-25T17:49:00.000-08:00

i see now that i have a follower
hello you
welcome to my supernothingness

2010-01-24T17:25:00.001-08:00

when i was about 7 or 8, i got an n64 for christmas
my best friend lived next door to me and we saved our allowances and went and bought ocarina of time.
we played it every weekend and always talked about getting real ocarinas and playing them.

then we grew up.
about 2 years ago (our freshman year) he was diagnosed with leukemia and was hospitalized and everything.
the doctor said since it was so progressed, he only had a few months to live.
i went out and bought an ocarina for him, but when i brought it to him, the only song we could figure out was the song of storms which we thought was the dumbest song.

he died a month later.
i went to his funeral and couldn't hold it together.
then his parents gave me the ocarina back, saying it probably meant more to me than them.
i sat on my front porch and cried my eyes out, holding that fucking worthless ocarina.
then i just started playing it, but just the song of storms, cause that's all i knew.
after sitting there a few more minutes, i heard thunder.

it started to rain

2010-01-18T18:33:00.000-08:00

oh what to do with myself
failing school
failing music
failing fun
failing friends
at least there is something i'm not afraid to fail
i already failed you
and i'm not thinking about it anymore
midterms tomorrow
idontgiveafuck
idont give afuck
i dontgivea fuck
anymore
you were all i needed
i would have been your everything and anything
which
i think
is why it stopped
why we stopped being that
and started being this

i don't care anymore
this is why i drink dangerous amounts of alcohol
this is why i smoke enough to get cancer
this is why i eat my mushrooms
because a day without you is a day without air
and this scares you

god i fucked everything up
i wish you could hear me

2010-01-04T08:25:00.000-08:00

some days i feel like metal
like my heart is a thousand pounds heavier
like my soul weighs more than god
i take such long walks i must have circled the earth
and each step i take is one second closer to my death
i would sprint for you, but who has that time to waste?
so watch me step back
watch me walk away from you, as i do every waking moment
but when i rest, i sleepwalk back to you
my subconscious takes control of my body in a way i don't understand, but wish to
it knows something i don't, but aim to find out
so string your bow, use your valentine arrows and aim for the head, not the heart
because my brain pumps thoughts faster than the blood in my veins, and that is what keeps me alive and breathing to sprint to you
and sprint i do
faster than you can imagine
a thousand miles an hour
i swear i grow wings
and some days i feel like air

2010-01-01T08:07:00.001-08:00

Happy fucking new year

2009-12-27T03:27:00.001-08:00

how come last.fm knows me better than anyone else?

2009-12-27T03:12:00.003-08:00

sometimes i feel so alone i want to scream

sometimes i feel so angry i want to be alone

hey there

2009-12-27T03:12:00.001-08:00

I like to write and write and the ground is ELECTRIC swear it has a current and there are a million little miles in-between the pen and the paper and all i need is the map. This time of year i'm thinking i don't know i'm blowing smoke i'm glowing like a bulb i walk a little further in-between our minds i hope you don't mind how far i am and have gone drop me a line i can see drop me a line i'll take too far i've gone so far and i wish upon the newest fad i remember when curing cancer was the latest fashion and in my latest fashion, i wish upon the stars that already went out i add insults to my injurys and salt in my wounds so they never heal i'd like to thank you for showing me that i'm not as strong as i seem sometimes all i have to think about is the darkest shades of black the empty space of where thoughts once were and how my heart stopped when you stood up and never looked back all i want to see is all the colors bound together all the happy hours rewound to now all the frowns turned upside down and time flies when you're having fun and time stops for no man to get to know man and i wait for someone else to take my heart and take my hand some days if feels like yesterday in the way i feel like last night bored and tired and alone so long lonesome, this means war sing to me too loud too long so proudly tonight and anything, everything will join in or forever hold their pieces as if i'm perfect clearly i'm not clearly i'm never enough for myself i can't stand it i can't stare myself down i realize my real eyes are real lies and all my thoughts and feelings go along i took it all hook, line, and sucker say i might be crazy but i'm sure i'm not insane because when it comes down to it i only feel like screaming i don't know where to run to when everywhere feels like home i only know it's only cold when you sleep alone

2009-12-23T14:33:00.001-08:00

you read my blog don't you

2009-12-23T05:58:00.000-08:00

i heard some girl bitch and moan today
about how she didn't get the car she wanted for her birthday
it wasn't the right COLOR and it wasn't a CONVERTIBLE

FUCK YOU

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING.

but of course i didn't
because i'm NICE
i'm not a DICK
i don't say MEAN THINGS

i swear if she gets the car she wants i'm lighting it on fire

dang

2009-12-22T18:48:00.000-08:00

i feel like she doesn't like me anymore
like i need to be ignored
like she didn't like me in the first place
like i like her but like, it doesn't feel like the like, right word
like
like
like
i like videogames
i like food
i like drugs
i like to party
like is not the right word
but it's the only word
there's always love
and i do love her
but i want her to know that i mean it
I LOVE YOU.
i can't just text it
i can't call her and tell her
it needs to happen face-to-face

I love you j
i really do

2009-11-27T14:53:00.000-08:00

fuck your wallet
fuck your shoes
fuck your car
fuck your house
fuck your school
fuck your friends
fuck your family
fuck your holidays
fuck your food
fuck your job
fuck your boss
fuck art
fuck religion
fuck atheism
fuck veganism
fuck meat
fuck repetition
fuck repetition
fuck repetition
fuck music
fuck television
fuck computers
fuck censorship
fuck books
fuck the government
fuck profanity
fuck starbucks
fuck borders
fuck graduation
fuck college
fuck medicine
fuck your drug habit
fuck "edgy"
fuck emotion
fuck hypocrisy
fuck your hair
fuck your clothes
fuck your parents
fuck your trust fund
fuck your piercings
fuck your way of life
fuck your girlfriend
fuck your boyfriend
fuck your wife
fuck your husband
fuck love
fuck hate
fuck your money
fuck your face
fuck your body
fuck home
fuck heart
fuck you
fuck me

2009-11-27T07:43:00.001-08:00

Darling coffee eyes. Tell me all your fucking lies. I kick myself every time i wake up and you aren't next to me. Dearly departed, you caught me in my slow dive. I tried to tell you how i felt, but you brushed it off like a spider from your shoulder.

2009-11-27T07:41:00.001-08:00

a sign i will grow fond of over time. Signals over the air and over the sea, they will linger in the back of your head, in the base of your skull. Like the angels and demons on your shoulder. Like the voices telling you to break the bonds you set yourself. I only lack the talents i would never think to use, i only lack the talents you find useful. It's too late to change anything, everything. To just float through life is so unattractive, and it's as though i hope for woe. woah. These words leave my lips so fast they get caught in my throat, making it harder and harder to talk as time stops to catch up.

2009-11-22T15:08:00.000-08:00

i will never be anything

HEROES ARE REAL

2009-11-07T20:11:00.000-08:00

writingwritingwritingwritingwriting
thingsthingsthingsthingsthings
can'tstopwon'tstopwillneverstop
12345
54321
enjoyyourselfforiwilltoo
singlikeiamnothere
singlikeyouarethelastpersonontheplanet
do
make
say
think
fight
love
hate
lust
luck
fate
too bad heroes aren't real
i would find as many spiders as i could and make them bite me so i could websling
that would be soooooo cool
like ice

i can't stop

2009-11-07T20:08:00.000-08:00

I
CAN'T STOP
it's just so sad they way i see things
a thousand of me would be a thousand too many

go to hell

2009-11-07T18:56:00.000-08:00

i never knew
why my mom cried every night
why my brother threw things
why my sister was the saddest person i ever knew
why my dad stood back and watched it all

if i could go back in time
i would let my mom know how much i loved her
i would tell my brother not to worry about what other people think, because other people suck
i would hug my sister more often, and maybe go on a walk to the brook
i would tell my dad that he should talk more

i was in 5th grade when everything went to shit
divorce
college
brother
new "mom"
the twin conversation
christmas eve, crying in my bed because i knew my mom was doing the same, alone, in an apartment 40 miles away from her children
ADHD

now
my life is equally as strange
in love with a girl who lives a state and a lake away
a father and stepmom who are unpredictable, but also very regimental
a mother driven by her job, her dream, but who doesn't have a lot of time
a brother not living his dream at 27
a sister not living her dream at 22
a best friend in texas

i think about dying for about 5 minutes every day
but then i think about everything else going to shit
nothing would ever be the same

i steal clothes and food and magic cards because it makes me feel
well, i do FEEL
but it gives me a rush
think about it
i break the law EVERY TIME I SET FOOT INTO A STORE
well, not every time
i don't steal from locally owned stores
i just want to not have to worry about things
i just want to solve everything
i just want to make everything better
i just want to make people happy
i just want to love and know i'm loved back
i just want to have someone to really talk to
i just want to be satisfied
i just want to be high all the time
i just want to make music

i wish i knew where to start
i find that i'm just not very good at anything i do

i'm sorry

i am 16 years old and all i can think about every day is how much i want to run away from here
not just my town
not just my country
not just my side of the ocean
earth

i would be content to just fly through space, listening to music, and just not thinking for the rest of my life

i know i'm never going to be anything
i know i'm never going to be anything
i know i'm never going to be anything
i know i'm never going to be anything
i know i'm never going to be anything
i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know
I
AM
NEVER
GOING
TO
BE
ANYTHING

nothing i have done, or will do, will amount to anything
ever

ever is a long time

help
i have fallen and i can't get up

i am a terrible person
i am not the worst
but i am far from the best

i think about purposely failing to kill myself just so i can go and live in a youth home
so i can take meds
so i can not feel
so i can stay in one place my whole life
but then i couldn't longboard with them
that would suck more

godihatemyselfandihopeyoudotoo

i know my life would be perfect in some peoples eyes
i know some would kill for what i have
i know that i could be way worse off
i could be starving
i could have been born with aids
or i could have been forgotten

instead i have a family who loves me

so then why do i still hate myself?

2009-11-06T05:22:00.000-08:00

i will always be your han solo

magic: the gathering

2009-11-04T05:24:00.000-08:00

today i played magic in the cafeteria with some kids
these kids are nerds, but so am i
anyway we had fun

magic fucking rules

reeleyes

2009-11-02T17:53:00.000-08:00

realize
real lies
real eyes

2009-11-02T05:37:00.001-08:00

And we learn
As we age
We've learned nothing
And my body still aches
And you take
Cause they give
Though I love you
And my body it leaks like a sieve

2009-11-02T05:29:00.000-08:00

i feel like she didn't mean it
her and everyone else
but at least she kind of admitted it
which is good
good
good
but i can't stop thinking about her
oh
well
worse things have happened
waterunderthebridgesupernothing

she said it

2009-11-01T16:43:00.001-08:00

she said it
then i said it
and i was so happy

Funderwall

2009-10-29T08:00:00.000-07:00

i need a nickname

scaredy-pantz

2009-10-26T17:25:00.000-07:00

im afraid of what i might drunkenly text you on halloween

2009-10-25T21:28:00.001-07:00

What a way to start the mourning, coffee and a cigarette for brunch. We miss our time to cry and tear away our yesterday. And our silent screams drive away the memories of that ex girlfriend and how shes sleeping with her new fiance. Smokes and a shot of something hard for the entre, im guessing whiskey because of where you claim to hail from and i taste it on your lips. We have ourselves a walk and search for places to park our second pack of camel filters. Just watch the smoke drift away and curse the start of the new year. The dawn of this new age sun sets with our generation of haves and have-nots. daddy's cash, his trophy wife, and the quarterback son that got away with murder when he made your 1 in 10 boy eat a bullet. You try to hold your daughter while she tears at her wrists because they say shes not pretty, but the tears mix like salt in her wounds and make her skin so sticky. Too bad what goes around won't come around on this one-way street to our asylum six feet under.

2009-10-25T21:27:00.001-07:00

I really do like that girl

2009-10-25T21:25:00.001-07:00

I am the boy you used to tease, and now i'm rolling up my sleeves. and tell me please, what makes you better than me? We both make grave mistakes that we tried to live with, we've done things we regret and can't forget. you try to stand tall on your throne and preach to the choir, but i can see you falling in a while. Who will catch you when you drop? I try to speak and forgive you but im wary of your claws, you bark and bite and want to fight all the fucking time and i'm sick of your shit. So up go my sleeves and down go my fists, i'll knock you over like the cheap trick you are.

2009-10-22T20:21:00.001-07:00

Butterscotch

2009-10-21T16:56:00.001-07:00

It was something that was said, that we never did, you sung my song with a tall order for the shortest attention span

2009-10-20T19:33:00.001-07:00

My first sin was the fear that made me old. Your first sin was the lie you told yourself

fuck you

2009-10-20T18:00:00.000-07:00

today a kid i barely knew
barely
his mom died
she died last weekend
he told nobody
now both of his parents are dead
he is 14

his fucking mom died
and i hear about kids at school giving him a hard time
that kind of shit makes me want to shoot up my school
but if i did that, a parent would lose a child
it's a vicious circle
fuck you

SUPERDUPERNOTHING

2009-10-19T20:52:00.001-07:00

If i left today, would i be remembered? A forgotten soul set free. And you would all be happy where you started, before you met me. I hate to think of my emotions, and how they get the best of me. Or my stranger sense of humor. I love me for who i'm not, but aim to be. I told myself a thousand times that This was it and to be all that i can be. I wish i knew why depression has been as common as yawning. I wish i knew why i felt that railing vicodin during my first year of high school was a good idea. Fuck everything ever

2009-10-19T20:50:00.001-07:00

This is life. This is all we get, ever. No matter how hard we pray, how hard we believe, how hard we lie to ourselves, we all end up in the same place. So why the fuck am i wasting these days of glory in fucking school? Why am i not outside, reading a novel by someone who has had a lifetime of experiences? Why am i not creating something to be remembered by? I just don't get it. I am 16 and two thirds. I can read 620 words a minute. I can write a song for anybody. I can play 4 instruments comfortably. Sure, i may not know how to distinguish male or female plants, or run a mile in under 7 minutes, or subtract the square root of 420 from 969, but other people can! So why do i have to? Why am i wasting day after day learning something i am told to learn so my intelligence can be evaluated by someone who doesnt even know my favorite color? Why is there not a ''write a short, creative piece on space provided'' part in my SAT's? Why does nobody else see this? School has no interest in me, and i have no interest in school. It baffles and infuriates me. This ride sucks, i want my money back.

if

2009-10-19T18:07:00.000-07:00

i want a heroin addict friend just so i can say i have a heroin addict for a friend
it would help if he or she was very artistically talented but also modest
and then they tragically die from an overdose
is this a bad thing?
i hope not
because then i could write a song
having writers block makes me so fucking morbid

2009-10-18T19:02:00.001-07:00

I would break my neck to keep my chin up

2009-10-18T18:58:00.001-07:00

I wish i knew

i wish

2009-10-18T18:47:00.001-07:00

i wish someone would say fuck you to america and we all heard it

parties lead to :(

2009-10-18T18:40:00.000-07:00

i hate it when i forget things

i feel

2009-10-18T18:17:00.000-07:00

i feel i feel
i feel
i
feel

i think that

i feel like i am the high school suicide kid
the one with the bright future
i wish i could, you know, kill myself
but without the death part
because then i would miss out on things
like
wind
i would miss the wind
just one of those things
that you don't notice you have until it is gone
like
luck

SOOPAHnothin

drool

2009-10-18T18:02:00.000-07:00

just thought
of my last post
a mere little bit ago
was quite desperate
too desperate i would say
but i can't delete a supernothing
i wish i could stumbleupon a different life

SUPARNOFFING

she is too perfect

2009-10-18T17:27:00.000-07:00

thank you omegle, for not giving me an asshole
for not giving me a chinese hooker
or a spambot
or a horny kid
thank you for giving me the girl of my dreams.
good taste in music:
check
good taste in books:
actually, fuck that-
READS:
check
hear that internet? this girl reads!
she makes me happy, and she makes me laugh, and she likes things that i do because she does them too. which makes ezra very happy.
SHE PLAYS WOW
happyhappyjoyjoy
too bad i fuck up lots.
:(
unhappy me.
un-happy-me
supernothing
she probably knows how to skank :)
and she writes music :)
too bad she lives in fuck-you-ezra-syracuse
which is not too too far away
5 hours
i counted
too perfect to be here
-
SuPeRnOtHiNg :P