...and so you've reached the fork in the road.
there's the bridge to society, the tried and true path to the comfort of a big house and fat wallet. the bridge to your perfect future.
or you can take the leap, step off into the oblivion that has swallowed countless lives, the imperfect path that threatens the balance between pride and motivation. to see just how far the rabbit hole goes.
you prepare yourself for the big moment. you shrug off the shadow of a doubt, because it will decide if you're falling to your doom or flying above the rest. you close your eyes, and the last words that run through your head are not words of panic, they are words that define your very being.
"i'd rather be forgotten than remembered for giving in."

on a cruise, at port in key west. leaving my room:

do i have my key? yes.
walk.
pass quarreling puerto-rican family, the littlest kid is crying.
walk.
pass cute girl in hallway, smile.
walk.
arrive at elevators, look at map.
where's the cabana club?
floor five.
where am i?
floor seven.
fuck the stairs.
press down button.
spot cruise staff member. nametag states that he is, coincedentaly, puerto-rican. he is pushing a luggage rack full of little fake stone walls.
wait forever.
elevator arrives.
i point it out to him and he nods greatfully.
we board the elevator. i ask him what floor he wants. he holds up three fingers. maybe he doesn't speak english.
press three.
we descend.
on floor four we stop. a little fat kid boards the elevator. he presses eleven.
you asshole.
we go up seven floors.
fat kid disembarks.
down eight floors.
i'm polite and let the puerto rican man off first. i step out and realize i'm on floor three, not five.
fuck i'm high.

Titan A.E.

I need purpose

today i will have a mental breakdown.

i made you a playlist but it's not like that
i made you one because i make everyone playlists
you should listen to it

friends dare me to rap, i dare them to listen

Listen.. The world could explode For all that I care
Cause I'm alone with you
Think they could clone you too?
It may be too much but I'm willing to put my money on it.
You think I'm crazy, right?
You make me lady like.
Like, wanting to wear lace
Wanting to say yes to giving into you intimacy is painless
it's easier to keep runnin than switchin faces up
ok, i'm stuck.. do you hate me or what?
i wanna date you,
go steady and wear your letter pin
or your letterman sweater like Ola Ray but I'm hesitant
Not you, it's me now i'm a cliche wanna bend plie for you flip positions as i do
just gotta relay truth
i love to be together,
breathe together
Jean say soon we could be forever,
see whatever we make bloom just afraid I could be playin out a replayed tune
look at you
Attention span was A.D.D.S. Before we met,
on occassion was frequent
I know how deep I get in emotional reconnect
I'm bringing baggage like conveyor belts and leer jets or bellboys at the telly,
we chillin in till noon revealing the city below us,
incredible views we're feeling the feeling below us
i'm intending to i've never felt this safe i gotta hand it to ya as i'm escaping
i'm breakin hand quiver must be candid lust there's no damaging,
plus be no as love be lust..
yes what's best for me never seems to ever be what's next to me exception
you so excuse me if i question too thorough or keep you waiting i might break down,
shake defense off change mind, change clothes and take the weekend off