i see now that i have a follower
hello you
welcome to my supernothingness

when i was about 7 or 8, i got an n64 for christmas
my best friend lived next door to me and we saved our allowances and went and bought ocarina of time.
we played it every weekend and always talked about getting real ocarinas and playing them.

then we grew up.
about 2 years ago (our freshman year) he was diagnosed with leukemia and was hospitalized and everything.
the doctor said since it was so progressed, he only had a few months to live.
i went out and bought an ocarina for him, but when i brought it to him, the only song we could figure out was the song of storms which we thought was the dumbest song.

he died a month later.
i went to his funeral and couldn't hold it together.
then his parents gave me the ocarina back, saying it probably meant more to me than them.
i sat on my front porch and cried my eyes out, holding that fucking worthless ocarina.
then i just started playing it, but just the song of storms, cause that's all i knew.
after sitting there a few more minutes, i heard thunder.

it started to rain

oh what to do with myself
failing school
failing music
failing fun
failing friends
at least there is something i'm not afraid to fail
i already failed you
and i'm not thinking about it anymore
midterms tomorrow
idontgiveafuck
idont give afuck
i dontgivea fuck
anymore
you were all i needed
i would have been your everything and anything
which
i think
is why it stopped
why we stopped being that
and started being this

i don't care anymore
this is why i drink dangerous amounts of alcohol
this is why i smoke enough to get cancer
this is why i eat my mushrooms
because a day without you is a day without air
and this scares you

god i fucked everything up
i wish you could hear me

some days i feel like metal
like my heart is a thousand pounds heavier
like my soul weighs more than god
i take such long walks i must have circled the earth
and each step i take is one second closer to my death
i would sprint for you, but who has that time to waste?
so watch me step back
watch me walk away from you, as i do every waking moment
but when i rest, i sleepwalk back to you
my subconscious takes control of my body in a way i don't understand, but wish to
it knows something i don't, but aim to find out
so string your bow, use your valentine arrows and aim for the head, not the heart
because my brain pumps thoughts faster than the blood in my veins, and that is what keeps me alive and breathing to sprint to you
and sprint i do
faster than you can imagine
a thousand miles an hour
i swear i grow wings
and some days i feel like air

Happy fucking new year