fuck your wallet
fuck your shoes
fuck your car
fuck your house
fuck your school
fuck your friends
fuck your family
fuck your holidays
fuck your food
fuck your job
fuck your boss
fuck art
fuck religion
fuck atheism
fuck veganism
fuck meat
fuck repetition
fuck repetition
fuck repetition
fuck music
fuck television
fuck computers
fuck censorship
fuck books
fuck the government
fuck profanity
fuck starbucks
fuck borders
fuck graduation
fuck college
fuck medicine
fuck your drug habit
fuck "edgy"
fuck emotion
fuck hypocrisy
fuck your hair
fuck your clothes
fuck your parents
fuck your trust fund
fuck your piercings
fuck your way of life
fuck your girlfriend
fuck your boyfriend
fuck your wife
fuck your husband
fuck love
fuck hate
fuck your money
fuck your face
fuck your body
fuck home
fuck heart
fuck you
fuck me
Friday, November 27, 2009
a sign i will grow fond of over time. Signals over the air and over the sea, they will linger in the back of your head, in the base of your skull. Like the angels and demons on your shoulder. Like the voices telling you to break the bonds you set yourself. I only lack the talents i would never think to use, i only lack the talents you find useful. It's too late to change anything, everything. To just float through life is so unattractive, and it's as though i hope for woe. woah. These words leave my lips so fast they get caught in my throat, making it harder and harder to talk as time stops to catch up.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Saturday, November 7, 2009
HEROES ARE REAL
writingwritingwritingwritingwriting
thingsthingsthingsthingsthings
can'tstopwon'tstopwillneverstop
12345
54321
enjoyyourselfforiwilltoo
singlikeiamnothere
singlikeyouarethelastpersonontheplanet
do
make
say
think
fight
love
hate
lust
luck
fate
too bad heroes aren't real
i would find as many spiders as i could and make them bite me so i could websling
that would be soooooo cool
like ice
thingsthingsthingsthingsthings
can'tstopwon'tstopwillneverstop
12345
54321
enjoyyourselfforiwilltoo
singlikeiamnothere
singlikeyouarethelastpersonontheplanet
do
make
say
think
fight
love
hate
lust
luck
fate
too bad heroes aren't real
i would find as many spiders as i could and make them bite me so i could websling
that would be soooooo cool
like ice
i can't stop
I
CAN'T STOP
it's just so sad they way i see things
a thousand of me would be a thousand too many
CAN'T STOP
it's just so sad they way i see things
a thousand of me would be a thousand too many
go to hell
i never knew
why my mom cried every night
why my brother threw things
why my sister was the saddest person i ever knew
why my dad stood back and watched it all
if i could go back in time
i would let my mom know how much i loved her
i would tell my brother not to worry about what other people think, because other people suck
i would hug my sister more often, and maybe go on a walk to the brook
i would tell my dad that he should talk more
i was in 5th grade when everything went to shit
divorce
college
brother
new "mom"
the twin conversation
christmas eve, crying in my bed because i knew my mom was doing the same, alone, in an apartment 40 miles away from her children
ADHD
now
my life is equally as strange
in love with a girl who lives a state and a lake away
a father and stepmom who are unpredictable, but also very regimental
a mother driven by her job, her dream, but who doesn't have a lot of time
a brother not living his dream at 27
a sister not living her dream at 22
a best friend in texas
i think about dying for about 5 minutes every day
but then i think about everything else going to shit
nothing would ever be the same
i steal clothes and food and magic cards because it makes me feel
well, i do FEEL
but it gives me a rush
think about it
i break the law EVERY TIME I SET FOOT INTO A STORE
well, not every time
i don't steal from locally owned stores
i just want to not have to worry about things
i just want to solve everything
i just want to make everything better
i just want to make people happy
i just want to love and know i'm loved back
i just want to have someone to really talk to
i just want to be satisfied
i just want to be high all the time
i just want to make music
i wish i knew where to start
i find that i'm just not very good at anything i do
i'm sorry
i am 16 years old and all i can think about every day is how much i want to run away from here
not just my town
not just my country
not just my side of the ocean
earth
i would be content to just fly through space, listening to music, and just not thinking for the rest of my life
i know i'm never going to be anything
i know i'm never going to be anything
i know i'm never going to be anything
i know i'm never going to be anything
i know i'm never going to be anything
i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know
I
AM
NEVER
GOING
TO
BE
ANYTHING
nothing i have done, or will do, will amount to anything
ever
ever is a long time
help
i have fallen and i can't get up
i am a terrible person
i am not the worst
but i am far from the best
i think about purposely failing to kill myself just so i can go and live in a youth home
so i can take meds
so i can not feel
so i can stay in one place my whole life
but then i couldn't longboard with them
that would suck more
godihatemyselfandihopeyoudotoo
i know my life would be perfect in some peoples eyes
i know some would kill for what i have
i know that i could be way worse off
i could be starving
i could have been born with aids
or i could have been forgotten
instead i have a family who loves me
so then why do i still hate myself?
why my mom cried every night
why my brother threw things
why my sister was the saddest person i ever knew
why my dad stood back and watched it all
if i could go back in time
i would let my mom know how much i loved her
i would tell my brother not to worry about what other people think, because other people suck
i would hug my sister more often, and maybe go on a walk to the brook
i would tell my dad that he should talk more
i was in 5th grade when everything went to shit
divorce
college
brother
new "mom"
the twin conversation
christmas eve, crying in my bed because i knew my mom was doing the same, alone, in an apartment 40 miles away from her children
ADHD
now
my life is equally as strange
in love with a girl who lives a state and a lake away
a father and stepmom who are unpredictable, but also very regimental
a mother driven by her job, her dream, but who doesn't have a lot of time
a brother not living his dream at 27
a sister not living her dream at 22
a best friend in texas
i think about dying for about 5 minutes every day
but then i think about everything else going to shit
nothing would ever be the same
i steal clothes and food and magic cards because it makes me feel
well, i do FEEL
but it gives me a rush
think about it
i break the law EVERY TIME I SET FOOT INTO A STORE
well, not every time
i don't steal from locally owned stores
i just want to not have to worry about things
i just want to solve everything
i just want to make everything better
i just want to make people happy
i just want to love and know i'm loved back
i just want to have someone to really talk to
i just want to be satisfied
i just want to be high all the time
i just want to make music
i wish i knew where to start
i find that i'm just not very good at anything i do
i'm sorry
i am 16 years old and all i can think about every day is how much i want to run away from here
not just my town
not just my country
not just my side of the ocean
earth
i would be content to just fly through space, listening to music, and just not thinking for the rest of my life
i know i'm never going to be anything
i know i'm never going to be anything
i know i'm never going to be anything
i know i'm never going to be anything
i know i'm never going to be anything
i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know
I
AM
NEVER
GOING
TO
BE
ANYTHING
nothing i have done, or will do, will amount to anything
ever
ever is a long time
help
i have fallen and i can't get up
i am a terrible person
i am not the worst
but i am far from the best
i think about purposely failing to kill myself just so i can go and live in a youth home
so i can take meds
so i can not feel
so i can stay in one place my whole life
but then i couldn't longboard with them
that would suck more
godihatemyselfandihopeyoudotoo
i know my life would be perfect in some peoples eyes
i know some would kill for what i have
i know that i could be way worse off
i could be starving
i could have been born with aids
or i could have been forgotten
instead i have a family who loves me
so then why do i still hate myself?
Friday, November 6, 2009
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
magic: the gathering
today i played magic in the cafeteria with some kids
these kids are nerds, but so am i
anyway we had fun
magic fucking rules
these kids are nerds, but so am i
anyway we had fun
magic fucking rules
Monday, November 2, 2009
Sunday, November 1, 2009
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