how come last.fm knows me better than anyone else?

sometimes i feel so alone i want to scream

sometimes i feel so angry i want to be alone

hey there

I like to write and write and the ground is ELECTRIC swear it has a current and there are a million little miles in-between the pen and the paper and all i need is the map. This time of year i'm thinking i don't know i'm blowing smoke i'm glowing like a bulb i walk a little further in-between our minds i hope you don't mind how far i am and have gone drop me a line i can see drop me a line i'll take too far i've gone so far and i wish upon the newest fad i remember when curing cancer was the latest fashion and in my latest fashion, i wish upon the stars that already went out i add insults to my injurys and salt in my wounds so they never heal i'd like to thank you for showing me that i'm not as strong as i seem sometimes all i have to think about is the darkest shades of black the empty space of where thoughts once were and how my heart stopped when you stood up and never looked back all i want to see is all the colors bound together all the happy hours rewound to now all the frowns turned upside down and time flies when you're having fun and time stops for no man to get to know man and i wait for someone else to take my heart and take my hand some days if feels like yesterday in the way i feel like last night bored and tired and alone so long lonesome, this means war sing to me too loud too long so proudly tonight and anything, everything will join in or forever hold their pieces as if i'm perfect clearly i'm not clearly i'm never enough for myself i can't stand it i can't stare myself down i realize my real eyes are real lies and all my thoughts and feelings go along i took it all hook, line, and sucker say i might be crazy but i'm sure i'm not insane because when it comes down to it i only feel like screaming i don't know where to run to when everywhere feels like home i only know it's only cold when you sleep alone

you read my blog don't you

i heard some girl bitch and moan today
about how she didn't get the car she wanted for her birthday
it wasn't the right COLOR and it wasn't a CONVERTIBLE


FUCK YOU

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING.

but of course i didn't
because i'm NICE
i'm not a DICK
i don't say MEAN THINGS



i swear if she gets the car she wants i'm lighting it on fire

dang

i feel like she doesn't like me anymore
like i need to be ignored
like she didn't like me in the first place
like i like her but like, it doesn't feel like the like, right word
like
like
like
i like videogames
i like food
i like drugs
i like to party
like is not the right word
but it's the only word
there's always love
and i do love her
but i want her to know that i mean it
I LOVE YOU.
i can't just text it
i can't call her and tell her
it needs to happen face-to-face

I love you j
i really do

fuck your wallet
fuck your shoes
fuck your car
fuck your house
fuck your school
fuck your friends
fuck your family
fuck your holidays
fuck your food
fuck your job
fuck your boss
fuck art
fuck religion
fuck atheism
fuck veganism
fuck meat
fuck repetition
fuck repetition
fuck repetition
fuck music
fuck television
fuck computers
fuck censorship
fuck books
fuck the government
fuck profanity
fuck starbucks
fuck borders
fuck graduation
fuck college
fuck medicine
fuck your drug habit
fuck "edgy"
fuck emotion
fuck hypocrisy
fuck your hair
fuck your clothes
fuck your parents
fuck your trust fund
fuck your piercings
fuck your way of life
fuck your girlfriend
fuck your boyfriend
fuck your wife
fuck your husband
fuck love
fuck hate
fuck your money
fuck your face
fuck your body
fuck home
fuck heart
fuck you
fuck me

Darling coffee eyes. Tell me all your fucking lies. I kick myself every time i wake up and you aren't next to me. Dearly departed, you caught me in my slow dive. I tried to tell you how i felt, but you brushed it off like a spider from your shoulder.

a sign i will grow fond of over time. Signals over the air and over the sea, they will linger in the back of your head, in the base of your skull. Like the angels and demons on your shoulder. Like the voices telling you to break the bonds you set yourself. I only lack the talents i would never think to use, i only lack the talents you find useful. It's too late to change anything, everything. To just float through life is so unattractive, and it's as though i hope for woe. woah. These words leave my lips so fast they get caught in my throat, making it harder and harder to talk as time stops to catch up.

i will never be anything

HEROES ARE REAL

writingwritingwritingwritingwriting
thingsthingsthingsthingsthings
can'tstopwon'tstopwillneverstop
12345
54321
enjoyyourselfforiwilltoo
singlikeiamnothere
singlikeyouarethelastpersonontheplanet
do
make
say
think
fight
love
hate
lust
luck
fate
too bad heroes aren't real
i would find as many spiders as i could and make them bite me so i could websling
that would be soooooo cool
like ice

i can't stop

I
CAN'T STOP
it's just so sad they way i see things
a thousand of me would be a thousand too many

go to hell

i never knew
why my mom cried every night
why my brother threw things
why my sister was the saddest person i ever knew
why my dad stood back and watched it all

if i could go back in time
i would let my mom know how much i loved her
i would tell my brother not to worry about what other people think, because other people suck
i would hug my sister more often, and maybe go on a walk to the brook
i would tell my dad that he should talk more

i was in 5th grade when everything went to shit
divorce
college
brother
new "mom"
the twin conversation
christmas eve, crying in my bed because i knew my mom was doing the same, alone, in an apartment 40 miles away from her children
ADHD

now
my life is equally as strange
in love with a girl who lives a state and a lake away
a father and stepmom who are unpredictable, but also very regimental
a mother driven by her job, her dream, but who doesn't have a lot of time
a brother not living his dream at 27
a sister not living her dream at 22
a best friend in texas

i think about dying for about 5 minutes every day
but then i think about everything else going to shit
nothing would ever be the same

i steal clothes and food and magic cards because it makes me feel
well, i do FEEL
but it gives me a rush
think about it
i break the law EVERY TIME I SET FOOT INTO A STORE
well, not every time
i don't steal from locally owned stores
i just want to not have to worry about things
i just want to solve everything
i just want to make everything better
i just want to make people happy
i just want to love and know i'm loved back
i just want to have someone to really talk to
i just want to be satisfied
i just want to be high all the time
i just want to make music

i wish i knew where to start
i find that i'm just not very good at anything i do

i'm sorry

i am 16 years old and all i can think about every day is how much i want to run away from here
not just my town
not just my country
not just my side of the ocean
earth

i would be content to just fly through space, listening to music, and just not thinking for the rest of my life

i know i'm never going to be anything
i know i'm never going to be anything
i know i'm never going to be anything
i know i'm never going to be anything
i know i'm never going to be anything
i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know
I
AM
NEVER
GOING
TO
BE
ANYTHING

nothing i have done, or will do, will amount to anything
ever

ever is a long time

help
i have fallen and i can't get up

i am a terrible person
i am not the worst
but i am far from the best

i think about purposely failing to kill myself just so i can go and live in a youth home
so i can take meds
so i can not feel
so i can stay in one place my whole life
but then i couldn't longboard with them
that would suck more


godihatemyselfandihopeyoudotoo

i know my life would be perfect in some peoples eyes
i know some would kill for what i have
i know that i could be way worse off
i could be starving
i could have been born with aids
or i could have been forgotten

instead i have a family who loves me





so then why do i still hate myself?

i will always be your han solo

magic: the gathering

today i played magic in the cafeteria with some kids
these kids are nerds, but so am i
anyway we had fun

magic fucking rules

reeleyes

realize
real lies
real eyes

And we learn
As we age
We've learned nothing
And my body still aches
And you take
Cause they give
Though I love you
And my body it leaks like a sieve

i feel like she didn't mean it
her and everyone else
but at least she kind of admitted it
which is good
good
good
but i can't stop thinking about her
oh
well
worse things have happened
waterunderthebridgesupernothing

she said it

she said it
then i said it
and i was so happy

Funderwall

i need a nickname

scaredy-pantz

im afraid of what i might drunkenly text you on halloween

What a way to start the mourning, coffee and a cigarette for brunch. We miss our time to cry and tear away our yesterday. And our silent screams drive away the memories of that ex girlfriend and how shes sleeping with her new fiance. Smokes and a shot of something hard for the entre, im guessing whiskey because of where you claim to hail from and i taste it on your lips. We have ourselves a walk and search for places to park our second pack of camel filters. Just watch the smoke drift away and curse the start of the new year. The dawn of this new age sun sets with our generation of haves and have-nots. daddy's cash, his trophy wife, and the quarterback son that got away with murder when he made your 1 in 10 boy eat a bullet. You try to hold your daughter while she tears at her wrists because they say shes not pretty, but the tears mix like salt in her wounds and make her skin so sticky. Too bad what goes around won't come around on this one-way street to our asylum six feet under.

I really do like that girl

I am the boy you used to tease, and now i'm rolling up my sleeves. and tell me please, what makes you better than me? We both make grave mistakes that we tried to live with, we've done things we regret and can't forget. you try to stand tall on your throne and preach to the choir, but i can see you falling in a while. Who will catch you when you drop? I try to speak and forgive you but im wary of your claws, you bark and bite and want to fight all the fucking time and i'm sick of your shit. So up go my sleeves and down go my fists, i'll knock you over like the cheap trick you are.

Butterscotch

It was something that was said, that we never did, you sung my song with a tall order for the shortest attention span

My first sin was the fear that made me old. Your first sin was the lie you told yourself

fuck you

today a kid i barely knew
barely
his mom died
she died last weekend
he told nobody
now both of his parents are dead
he is 14

his fucking mom died
and i hear about kids at school giving him a hard time
that kind of shit makes me want to shoot up my school
but if i did that, a parent would lose a child
it's a vicious circle
fuck you

SUPERDUPERNOTHING

If i left today, would i be remembered? A forgotten soul set free. And you would all be happy where you started, before you met me. I hate to think of my emotions, and how they get the best of me. Or my stranger sense of humor. I love me for who i'm not, but aim to be. I told myself a thousand times that This was it and to be all that i can be. I wish i knew why depression has been as common as yawning. I wish i knew why i felt that railing vicodin during my first year of high school was a good idea. Fuck everything ever

This is life. This is all we get, ever. No matter how hard we pray, how hard we believe, how hard we lie to ourselves, we all end up in the same place. So why the fuck am i wasting these days of glory in fucking school? Why am i not outside, reading a novel by someone who has had a lifetime of experiences? Why am i not creating something to be remembered by? I just don't get it. I am 16 and two thirds. I can read 620 words a minute. I can write a song for anybody. I can play 4 instruments comfortably. Sure, i may not know how to distinguish male or female plants, or run a mile in under 7 minutes, or subtract the square root of 420 from 969, but other people can! So why do i have to? Why am i wasting day after day learning something i am told to learn so my intelligence can be evaluated by someone who doesnt even know my favorite color? Why is there not a ''write a short, creative piece on space provided'' part in my SAT's? Why does nobody else see this? School has no interest in me, and i have no interest in school. It baffles and infuriates me. This ride sucks, i want my money back.

if

i want a heroin addict friend just so i can say i have a heroin addict for a friend
it would help if he or she was very artistically talented but also modest
and then they tragically die from an overdose
is this a bad thing?
i hope not
because then i could write a song
having writers block makes me so fucking morbid

I would break my neck to keep my chin up

I wish i knew

i wish

i wish someone would say fuck you to america and we all heard it

parties lead to :(

i hate it when i forget things

i feel

i feel i feel
i feel
i
feel

i think that

i feel like i am the high school suicide kid
the one with the bright future
i wish i could, you know, kill myself
but without the death part
because then i would miss out on things
like
wind
i would miss the wind
just one of those things
that you don't notice you have until it is gone
like
luck

SOOPAHnothin

drool

just thought
of my last post
a mere little bit ago
was quite desperate
too desperate i would say
but i can't delete a supernothing
i wish i could stumbleupon a different life

SUPARNOFFING

she is too perfect

thank you omegle, for not giving me an asshole
for not giving me a chinese hooker
or a spambot
or a horny kid
thank you for giving me the girl of my dreams.
good taste in music:
check
good taste in books:
actually, fuck that-
READS:
check
hear that internet? this girl reads!
she makes me happy, and she makes me laugh, and she likes things that i do because she does them too. which makes ezra very happy.
SHE PLAYS WOW
happyhappyjoyjoy
too bad i fuck up lots.
:(
unhappy me.
un-happy-me
supernothing
she probably knows how to skank :)
and she writes music :)
too bad she lives in fuck-you-ezra-syracuse
which is not too too far away
5 hours
i counted
too perfect to be here
-
SuPeRnOtHiNg :P