do they speak english in what?

here it comes
the whole truth
the whole fucking thing
all of it
right now
here


so i'm totally in love with her
i think
or i'm in love with the idea of her
it's like that thing people say
"there is someone out there for everyone"
i think she is my someone
maybe
i'm only 17
i still have plenty of time
maybe
it was just so miraculous
you know
"holy shit this girl is just like me!"
"holy shit this girl likes me!"
"she thinks."
it did kill, when she said she liked me but really didn't
but i forgive her
i've done it too
told someone i didn't like
that i liked them
but whatever
water under the bridge
it just seems like if i pass her up
forget her
if i don't pursue her
i'll be missing out on the biggest part of my life
but then i think
"why would she want to be with me?"
"i'm probably dropping out of school"
"i'm probably not going to be a musician"
"i'm probably not going to be anything"
she's going to college
something i will never do
it's pretty important to her
she's going to purchase i believe
my sister went there
she said it sucked
but my sister also went there for drama/dance
not creative writing
so who knows, it might be better for her
why do i keep calling her "her?"
her name is julia
there we go
none of this stupid
"i hope she never finds this"
bullshit
i don't really care if she does
she's very internet savvy
much more than i am, that's for sure
so if she does find it
so if you do find it
tell me please
okay
that part is over
i think
maybe i'll see julia over the summer
maybe she won't want to
maybe i won't want to
haha what a lie
of course i want to
but maybe i shouldn't
it would probably be better
i think
she's perfect in my eye, you see
and i think i'm in love with her
i think
or maybe the idea of her
which i stated earlier
maybe she is the worst person in the world
or maybe she is who i hope she is
for real
i hope
shit
i keep saying she
julia
julia
julia
it's a pretty name
we're also getting married you see
in a
"wouldn't it be cool if..."
way
we aren't actually getting married
because she doesn't actually love me
because she doesn't actually know me
because she lives in fucking new york
and is going to school in fucking new york
but who am i to complain
it's her life
i'm not about to tell her to not go to school there
and come to vermont instead
i'm not ruining someone's life like that
already ruined mine
haha
let's feel bad for ezra time!
i would probably hate myself if i met myself
or something
i can't really say
the only person i know who is like me is the girl who i may or may not be in love with
how can i be in love with someone if i have never met them you ask?
well
i don't know
i've never been in love
which i know for a fact
there has not been a day since august 20th that i have not thought about her
which i know for a fact

so where do i go from here?
i don't know
i'm terrible at conclusions
maybe i should go see her
steal a car and drive to syracuse
maybe i should just forget about her
never text or call or contact again
maybe i'll just act like i'm not totally infatuated with her
you know
"just friends"
maybe i'll tell her everything
call her and tell her
ev
er
y
th
in
g

i just think that my feelings for her are too big
and that eventually i'll get hurt

but if i don't actually get the girl in the end
oh well
at least i tried
"hey grampa, tell us again about your (maybe) true love?"
"well children, it was the summer of '09. your gramps was surfing the ooooooooooold internet, when he came across this website where you talk to strangers.
you see, your gramps was in a bad mood, what with all that shit music that was going around. so he told the stranger "nickleback sucks."
the stranger then replied:
"amen."
well, your gramps was pretty excited to find a stranger with the same anti-taste in music, and he took to talking to this stranger. we talked for a while about bands and music, sharing interest in bands that not a lot of people knew about. after a bit, the stranger had to go, so your gramps asked for her information, so that they could talk again in the future. she obliged, and your gramps took to talking to this girl almost every day since.
we exchanged feelings for each other two months later, although the girl claimed them to be false, as she was under the influence of cannabinoids and alchohol. but your gramps was surely serious, but he forgave her. as he did with the next time she claimed to have feelings for him.
your grampa fucked up a couple of times too, like that one night where he straight up flipped shit and ranted about how fucking sad and fucked up he was. but i think she forgave me.
i think."

i have no idea what to write here
because i have no idea what happens
maybe the children meet their grandma
and she is someone else
i don't know
i'll have to ask myself in the future
if i remember to haha

FUCK.
YOU.
SUPERNOTHING.